


Three Men and a Baby

by TheGreatSporkWielder



Series: The Maggie Banner Series [1]
Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 12:56:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatSporkWielder/pseuds/TheGreatSporkWielder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor babysits for Darcy and Bruce. Clint and Steve try to help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Men and a Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Chaerring has graciously allowed me to borrow Maggie Banner from her series for this fic.
> 
> This is for the babyfic prompt anonymously requested on Tumblr.

“Thor, what in the world are you doing in the Banners' place?” asked Clint, poking his head into the living room.

 

Thor was standing with his arms crossed, peering intently into a playpen. “Lady Darcy requested that I watch the Lady Maggie whist she and the good doctor went out for sustenance.”

 

Clint blinked. “So, wait...you've just been standing here looking at her for the last hour and a half?”

 

Thor glanced over at him. “Of course! This important task was laid upon me by Lady Darcy personally, and I take it quite seriously.”

 

“Thor, buddy,” said Clint, walking over to the Asgardian and slapping Thor on the shoulder, “when Darcy said, 'watch,' she meant, 'take care of.' You know, change her diaper and all that. You don't have to actually have your eyes glued to the baby the entire time they're gone.” He glanced down into the playpen to see Maggie asleep, one hand clutching a blanket covered in Captain America shields and her other thumb hanging half out of her mouth.

 

“Ah,” said Thor, nodding in understanding, but not removing his gaze from the sleeping baby. “I see. I was rather bewildered, as Lady Darcy and Doctor Banner are not constantly looking at the child, but since this is their first outing since Lady Maggie's birth, I did not want to interrupt them with questions about it.”

 

Clint nodded. “Good idea.”

 

“I thought perhaps it was a Midgardian custom, like ensuring no creatures are residing in your garment stores.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Stark informed me that the room where one's raiment is kept is a common nesting ground for fierce beasts.”

 

“You mean...monsters in the closets?”

 

Thor nodded. “Exactly, yes! I have already had friend JARVIS inspect all of the 'closets' in the Banners' quarters, and he was quite certain that there are no creatures nesting in any of their clothing.”

 

“Seriously, Thor, don't believe _anything_ Tony says. Monsters in the closet are not real. It's a common fear kids face, but it's never actually true.”

 

“But that film he showed us, wherein the beasts are workers who travel into youngsters' bedchambers--”

 

“Oh, for the love of--” Clint rubbed one hand across his forehead. “ _Monsters, Inc._ is a cartoon, Thor. It's made-up.” 

 

At that moment, Maggie started to cry, her skin greening slightly. Both men stared down at her in horror, before turning to look at one another. 

 

“What is the common Midgardian practice in times such as these?” asked Thor.

 

“Don't look at me,” said Clint. “You're the one who agreed to babysit.” 

 

“And is it common for Midgardian children to enlarge and change color when upset?”

 

“No, I'm pretty sure that's a Hulk-child thing.” 

 

The two men looked back down into the playpen. “What do you suggest?” asked Thor. “I silence my enemies by striking them with Mjolnir, but--”

 

“Oh, God, don't even _think_ about hitting the baby with that thing.”

 

Thor looked affronted. “I am not a complete fool, Barton.” 

 

Suddenly, Steve burst into the room. “What is going on in here?” 

 

“The child is upset!” exclaimed Thor. “How does one calm an upset Midgardian child?”

 

Clint pointed at Thor. “I'm pretty sure it was his fault.” 

 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Oh, for the love of Pete.” He leaned over and picked up the wailing Maggie. “What's the matter, sweetheart?” he murmured. “Two of Earth's Mightiest Heroes unable to take care of a sweet little thing like you?”

 

“Shut up, Rogers,” said Clint. 

 

Maggie continued to cry pitifully. 

 

“Well, don't worry, Maggie, Uncle Steve is here to save the day,” said Steve, keeping his tone light. “Let's check out your diaper...nope, that's okay. Are you hungry?”

 

“Lady Darcy fed the Lady Maggie before they left and informed me she should not require additional feedings until they return, which should be quite soon,” said Thor. 

 

“Okay, then,” said Steve, bouncing the baby a bit, “maybe she just needs a snuggle.” He cuddled the baby to his chest, humming a peppy little tune. 

 

“How do _you_ know so much about babies?” asked Clint. 

 

Steve glanced at him over Maggie's head. “My parents were Irish Catholics,” he said. “I had five younger brothers and sisters.” He looked down at Maggie, who cooed at him and grinned a toothless smile at him as her skin returned to its normal peachy tone. “Well, aren't you just the most beautiful lady in all of New York City?” Steve asked, tracing one finger down Maggie's pert nose. “Who's Uncle Steve's favorite girl?”

 

She giggled and pressed one small hand to his cheek. 

 

“I'd love to stay,” Steve said, looking back up at Thor and Clint, “but Fury asked me to come down and look over something about HYDRA for him, so...” he trailed off and held out the baby.

 

Clint shrank back as though Maggie might leap at him and bite his face off. “Not me,” he said quickly. “Thor's the one who agreed to babysit her.” 

 

“Alrighty, then,” said Steve. He looked back down at Maggie. “Time to go to your Uncle Thor, gorgeous,” he said, and held her out to Thor.

 

She looked even smaller than normal, dwarfed as she was in the Asgardian's arms, but he held her like Steve had and gently patted her back. “You are indeed lovely,” he said, and Steve and Clint both bit back smiles at the awkwardly gentle tone of the demigod's voice. “I have not seen beauty so wondrous in all of the nine realms, save perhaps my lady mother and my dear Lady Jane.” 

 

“Not even me?” came Darcy's voice from the doorway, and Maggie gurgled happily at the sound of her mother's voice. “I suppose I should be offended, but since you've just said my kid is the third best-looking thing in the universe, I'll let it slide.” 

 

“Welcome back, Lady Darcy, Doctor Banner,” said Thor, obviously relieved as he passed the baby over to Bruce. “Truly, caring for a child is a difficult task.” 

 

“But rewarding,” said Bruce, as he tilted his head back to prevent Maggie from snatching his glasses. 

 

“Well, good luck with that,” said Clint as he made a beeline for the door. “Bye, Mags!” 

 

“Thanks for watching her,” said Darcy, as she led Thor and Steve to the door. 

 

“It was indeed my honor to guard your daughter,” said Thor. “Though I have discovered that I am not adept at handling such young ones. Perhaps I shall wait until I can train her in the ways of war.” 

 

“Uh,” said Bruce. 

 

Darcy elbowed him. “That'll be wonderful,” she said. “Maggie will be the fiercest lady warrior ever, with you and Natasha teaching her.” 

 

“That's what I'm afraid of,” muttered Bruce.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have no idea if Steve actually has siblings or not, but Wiki tells me his family was Irish Catholic, and it's fairly stereotypical for Irish Catholics to have large families, so I gave him some. :)


End file.
